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So sex is anything you and your partner do consensually that involves erotic and sexual touch and pleasure—and for most of us, that involves genital pleasure, Mintz explains. You give each other oral sex, for instance, or pleasure each other with vibrators or with your hands.

Redefining sex, so it’s broader than intercourse, can be more inclusive of gay and lesbian couples, says Mintz. And it may help you enjoy better sex as you age, too.