The fact of being in love is one of the best sensations that human beings can feel, an incredible experience on a physical and psychological level that changes the way you see the world and face life. Most of us can attest to this, but it is not the case with photophobias. Do you know what philophobia is? It is a type of anxiety disorder characterized by the fear of being in love or maintaining a stable relationship. Although there are different degrees, in many cases it is a problem that negatively affects love life, social life and other areas.
What many of us consider wonderful, for them becomes a situation that produces great discomfort and stress; as a result, they end up refusing and fleeing potentially positive relationships. Do you feel identified? Do you wonder why I am afraid of having a partner? In the following article we will explain it to you.
Reasons for fear of having a boyfriend.
We feel vulnerable.
Entering a relationship means abandoning the known, leaving your comfort zone. Many people are afraid of what they do not know and prefer to stay in the area they know, even if that means stopping meeting people and maintaining relationships.
Reopen wounds.
In our day to day, for the most part, we are not aware of the importance of traumas, experiences and history that precede us. When we start a relationship we can reopen all the pains and problems of previous relationships that are why in the face of the fear that this will be repeated there are people who close in on themselves and avoid having a relationship again so as not to go through the same thing again. It does not have to have been a bad love experience, reliving the relationship with your parents or old friends can also affect the future life of your couple. In the following article we explain how to overcome a romantic breakup.
Challenge to own identity.
We all have a conscience, an inner voice that tells us who we are and how we are, a series of characteristics that define us as people and that allow us to have a certain position with respect to the world. The philophobia can see the relationship as an attack on his own identity and personality.
Fear of pain.
It is true that love can make us feel happiness in a very intense way, but it is no less true that with the same intensity we can feel pain or fear. In order to win, you have to take risks and there are people who are unable to risk being able to feel pain in order to feel intense happiness.
Fear that it is uneven.
Relationships are often unbalanced and this is something that those who are afraid of entering a relationship live with a lot of stress. Either by excess or by default, by fear of falling in love more than the other person or by feeling overwhelmed by what the other feels, they try to avoid establishing an affective bond.
Lose the old life.
It is evident that having a partner changes certain aspects of your life; you can no longer do everything you want at all times, you have to learn to allocate your time and change some of your priorities. The fear of having a boyfriend or girlfriend may be due in part to the inability to put aside or change some things in the life that they previously led.
Existential fears appear.
This reason is a bit more abstract and deep, but it is still real. The moment you feel very close to a person, when you establish a strong love bond, certain existential thoughts begin to appear that some people do not know how to handle. Thinking about your own death or that of the other person, the fear that the relationship will end, the frustration at a hypothetical loss are feelings that can be very stressful.
Fear of having a partner, what does psychology says?
Psychology has also addressed this issue and has established a series of attitudes and ways of acting that people who are afraid of having a partner usually follow. These are:
- Victimize: They believe that they are always the victims, they blame previous relationships or external factors for their fears and fears, and they are never the culprits. No matter how badly we have had it in a relationship, we must know how to accept mistakes and failures, our own and others, to avoid repeating them, not to get stuck blaming the world. Any relationship has good and bad moments; you have to learn to appreciate and remember the good ones and try to learn from the bad ones.
- They only look for defects: When they meet someone they focus on looking for and highlighting their defects, if they do not find them, they investigate until they appear and serve to justify their inability to maintain a relationship. Instead of looking for and appreciating the qualities they dedicate themselves to finding defects to justify themselves.
- They go with very different people: When we look for a partner, or when we find one, it is usually due to common affinities and tastes, because we share a way of seeing the world. People who are afraid of falling in love or having a stable relationship get used to mixing with people who are very different from them so that the differences appear immediately and serve as an excuse not to go further.
- Find reasons to argue: The moment they start a relationship and see that they can be more serious, they are responsible for starting discussions and looking for reasons to argue until the other person gets tired. By doing this they can continue with their victimizing story without facing their fears.
- Isolation: At its most serious, the fear of falling in love and having a partner ends up turning into social isolation. Either avoiding contact with other people or hiding so that they have no reason to know her more.
How to overcome the fear of having a partner?
Acknowledging that you have a problem is the first step in overcoming it. I know I am afraid of having a partner, how do I get over it? Here are some of the keys to losing the fear of falling in love:
- Face your fears: The best way to overcome this type of disorder is by facing what we are so afraid of. By living it in a real way we can see that most of the things we believed were false and that it was not so bad.
- Don’t think about the future: We often worry based on hypotheses and possible events that never happen. Think about today and enjoy day to day, what has to happen in the future you will face when it plays.
- Verbalize your fear: Telling our problems is a way to involve our loved ones to help us. A relationship is based on communication and trust, if you explain it to them you will not only reduce the tension you feel but they will be able to understand you and help you.
- Give yourself time: If you have been with these fears for a long time, you will not solve them overnight, give yourself time to learn to overcome the phobia and improve your relationships.
- Visit a psychologist: Depending on the level of anxiety that the idea of having a boyfriend, girlfriend or a stable partner causes you, you may need psychological therapy to overcome it.
